How to Pursue Your Calling in the Midst of Real Life.
Many of us who want to pursue our calling, have to figure it out in the midst of bills, kids, marriage, school, jobs, etc.…you know, REAL LIFE! For the past ten years I’ve been talking about inspiration and passion and creativity online because I’m really REALLY passionate about this topic. I realized a long time ago that we have one life and one shot to go after the life that we feel called to and I made a vow to myself to get it or die trying.
When I look back over all the obstacles I’ve faced, I think I was a little naive in my pursuit of my dream. I really didn’t have a clue as a twenty something person about the real challenges of life. But I also think that naïveté is what helped me keep going as well. I just kept believing this thing that God put inside of me. I would even find myself at times going back through God’s word to remind myself of the things that He said to us to battle the negative thoughts in our heads. Things like:
“…He who has begun a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ.”
- Philippians 1:6 NKJV
OR
“Before I formed you in the womb I knew you; Before you were born I sanctified you; ordained you a prophet to the nations.”
-Jeremiah 1:5 NJKV
OR
“For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them.”
-Ephesians 2:10 KJV
When I would go through these scriptures there was no way that I could convince myself otherwise about my calling. It seemed ridiculous to doubt…until I would get doubtful again. And I would have to encourage myself again…and again.
Over the years, I’ve noticed that a lot of people out here on the internet are giving advice about going after their dreams. Which is great! But many aren’t married and they don’t have kids. They don’t have the responsibilities that the majority of us have and so it’s really frustrating at times for me to listen their advice. I want to hear from people that have pursued their calling while raising a family, loving their spouse, paying their bills, going back to school, overcoming illness, etc…and pursuing a relationship with God.
After 4 decades on this amazing earth I’ve had my fair share of life experiences. I have three children, I’ve been married for almost two decades, I’m running a business (that is so far in the beginning it’s crazy), I’m battling an autoimmune disease, I’ve seen friends and family members move on from this earthly realm, dealt with family illnesses, and much more.
Just like many of you.
But one thing that people have begun to recognize in my life over and over again is that I haven’t given up on the dreams that God has planted in my heart. I don’t dismiss the passion in my life and I believe that I can walk boldly in my purpose. God has just brought me through too much for me not to believe it.
So how do you actually go after these things in the midst of real life?
Well I can tell you this. It’s a process. And we have to trust it.
Don’t be scared to be patient.
When I was a kid I don’t remember anything about time being a constraint on my life but somewhere along the way I became a really impatient person. It took having little babies for me to start stretching my patience muscle. Teaching kids things like how to tie their shoes, put on their clothes, or even trying to make it to appointments on time with kids in tow will definitely teach you patience. Even though I still struggle with it at times I find it surprising when my husband tells me I’m patient!
That’s simply THE LORD!
Honestly, I used to be so scared to be patient because I thought that if I “waited on the Lord” that an opportunity would pass me by or I would just run out of the energy I needed to complete the new project I was excited about. I was convinced that I had to achieve “success” quickly for some reason and that caused me to be impatient. I also was so mistaken in thinking that if something wasn’t happening it was because I wasn’t doing something to make it happen.
It was somehow my fault I wasn’t achieving what I wanted.
Have you ever skinned your knee when bike riding? What do you do to make it heal? NOTHING! You wait for it to heal. You wait for the body to do what it was designed to do and that’s it. You might put some antibiotic on it and a band aid but you can’t rush the process. There are so many other things at work under the skin that work in harmony with each other. The blood vessels need to send extra blood to the injury site, the skin cells need to multiply and relayer themselves and a scab needs to form so this entire process is protected.
Sometimes when we can’t see things happening in our life God is protecting us and healing.
Which leads me to my next point…
Let God change you into the person you need to be.
Growing up I could tell you exactly what my dress was going to look like at the Oscars (and if you ask today I can still tell you!) but I had no idea what it took for those celebrities to even walk on that red carpet in front of the Chinese Theater in Los Angeles. To perform at the top level and maintain it (cause some celebs rise and fall very quickly). Success on that level takes way more than talent. It takes things like:
Knowing who you are
Knowing who you aren’t
Facing your fears
Being confident in yourself
Developing as a leader
Understanding the business
Financial acumen
Discipline
Crazy work ethic
The very first time I had to produce my first play A Song for Peace outside of the comforts of academia, I struggled with having to do everything myself. I found myself overwhelmed and very stressed at times. I did not have the luxuries of going to the costume department for help or finding a stage manager student or even having a space provided for me. However, doing community theater taught me how to wear many different hats.
Last year when I did our Love, Jordan Film Premiere, things were falling apart behind the scenes. But I barely broke a sweat because I had already been through so much over the past 16 years of doing Social Impact Entertainment work. By this time God had shown me that this was the work that He called me to do and He would be the one to bring it to completion.
And he did!
We had almost 400 people register for tickets! We had our Mayor, Fire Chief, and other community leaders in attendence for a panel discussion. We had a Cast Q an A that proved that the work we were doing for youth mental health had made a difference in the very youth who had participated!
Even though these results are great, the person I had to become to make the films I made today came with a price. I had to allow God to work on me. He uncovered deep scars that I wasn’t even aware of. His Holy Spirit came and began to touch the broken parts of my heart and heal them up. I know that I can’t go further without His grace. There will be more obstacles in front of me but as He makes me more surefooted in Him, the more blessings and challenges I know that I can handle.
Do Things God’s Way.
How do we please God? The bible says it very clearly.
“And without faith it is impossible to please him, for whoever would draw near to God must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who seek him.”
- Hebrews 11:6 ESV
(Thank God we don’t have to guess on this one!)
I’ll be very honest. When I started pursuing acting and producing films, I hadn’t taken the time to establish my priorities. As a result I was really frustrated that my responsibilities as a mom and wife would clash with my pursuit of being a professional creative. I felt like I was always losing. It caused tension in my marriage and took away my joy at times of being a mother.
My father actually gave me a great piece of advice when he told me to set priorities and then live by them. I know that as moms we can talk a lot about balance. I don’t think we set priorities to balance work and life. I think we set them to balance mental well being and everything else. When I learned to live my life with the right priorities I began to find more peace and more success. I’m still not at 100% knowledge of how to do this but I am A LOT better than before!
What was actually happening was that I didn’t have THE FAITH to believe that if I trusted God with everything that He would take care of me and the dreams He placed in my heart. I was so scared to remove the idol of my passion and put God in first place. I was scared that it would be forgotten. It’s so counterintuitive of the world, isn’t it?
Choose not to hustle on your dream. Hustle in seeking Him first.
Here is how I reset my priorities after talking with my dad. Now as you read this, understand that it took me years to really put this into practice for real.
Put God first in EVERYTHING
Take care of my own well being (this one is STILL HARD to keep this high on the list - but ladies, everything will fall apart if you don’t care for yourself!)
Make sure that my relationship with my husband is on point.
Take care of my family
Work on my art/passion/career
When I had my priorities in tact then I could make decisions much easier in my life when things began to clash. There a sense of peace knowing I had set what was important to me and was able to live by it, even when the choices were hard. I know that God blesses us when we put Him first.
Build a Support Network.
When I first moved away from home and got married I didn’t have a very strong support network other than my wonderful mother in law who was working full time at the time. I was always so torn because I didn’t have a lot reprieve from my responsibilities as a mom. I didn’t have a place where I could get the emotional support I needed at the time. I didn’t have the medical team that I have now. I didn’t have the other creative friends that I have now. 16 years later I have build a support network that is amazing. I credit much of my growth to this network of people who love and believe in me as a child of God, filmmaker and artist.
In a world where people like to portray that they’ve been a success on their own, we get the wrong message about the process of success.
If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far go together.
- African Proverb.
Every successful person who has gone far, doesn’t get there alone. As someone who considered themselves a bit of a loner, it took me a long time to realize the power of of building healthy relationships. I used to think that if I wasn’t spending all of my extra time blogging or content creating that I was wasting my time. But as I focused on actual human beings my joy skyrocketed and my passion increased.
It is not a waste of time to build networks of healthy support around you. It is so very necessary in going where you feel like God is calling you to go. Knowing when to take time to be alone with Him and pour into your relationships is a necessary balance BUT IT IS NECESSARY! I am now reaping the fruit of the seeds planted 5, 10 and 20 years ago.
As you strive to pursue your calling, I hope that these tips help to encourage you along the way.
You were literally designed to succeed in your calling so don’t give up on it!